So, I’m now entering my third week of abstaining from coffee and cigarettes.
Here’s what I know to be true:
Every day has felt like one of the worst days of my life.
I’m tired all the time.
I don’t know when these symptoms are going to go away. (And it doesn’t feel like they ever will…)
I would give almost anything for five to ten minutes of relief… no matter how temporary or illusory. (And I know that all feelings of “relief” – especially from nicotine – are illusory…)
For better or for worse, life without coffee and cigarettes will never be like life with coffee and cigarettes. (They tell me it will be better – but it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way today…)
I’m committed this time.
In a way that I have never known, in previous attempts to beat either one of these addictions.
Somehow, I know… that even though I want the feeling of relief… that I associate with coffee and cigarettes… I don’t actually want to go back to either of the two… I just don’t want to face life without them.
I’ll probably have more to say about this in my next post… until then, I just need to figure out how to get to my next post, without allowing these cravings to consume me. (Which is easier said than done.)