I’m now in my 4th week of withdrawals from coffee and cigarettes.
A lot of what I’ve read suggests that things are supposed to start getting better any day now.
But it certainly doesn’t feel that way to me. I still struggle daily with cravings for coffee, and for cigarettes. I still feel sick, and anxious, and disoriented.
And all of my symptoms still feel worse, any time I think about actually getting out of my room, and trying to do anything meaningful or worthwhile. (So, I spend a lot of time doing absolutely nothing, but vegging in front of the t.v. and waiting for the cravings to go away.)
Some things have improved.
I no longer feel the need to sleep for sixteen hours a day.
I can concentrate long enough to have a 5 or 10 minute conversation.
I have enough of an appetite that I sometimes think about what I want to eat, instead of just grabbing whatever’s convenient, or available.
I can handle going to the gym for half an hour (as long as someone else is able to drive me there).
I can maybe see that the day will come, when I will no longer have the desire to smoke.
But, I still don’t “feel” like I’m free from the addiction yet.
(I am pretty sure that any remaining cravings are psychological at this point… not that the psychological symptoms are any less overwhelming.)
I still feel anxious, and restless, and like the only thing that will make that better is to go back to smoking.
And I don’t want to go back to smoking… but I don’t know, yet… that I’m NOT going to go back to smoking.
So, for now at least, I’m just “stuck” in this seemingly endless loop of dying to smoke, but knowing that it wouldn’t do anything good for me, even if I did.
The only way to beat this part of the addiction is to get out, and do things that take my mind off smoking… but I can’t even think about getting out and doing anything, without the desire to smoke becoming even greater.
The best I can come up with, is to do “mostly” nothing…
To stay home, stay indoors, tune out, and wait for these feelings to pass… while at the same time, trying to do just a little bit more today, than I did yesterday… without doing so much that I can’t control the cravings, and I end up giving in.