On Thursday I wrote a pretty lengthy and somewhat complicated post, along the lines of the kind of stuff I used to write all the time before I quit coffee and cigarettes.
It felt good to write something that long and that whimsical; like maybe I really was starting to get over my cravings, and ready to move forward in a new, positive direction.
And then I wake up on Friday, and the cravings are so strong, I don’t even get out of bed until well past lunch time. And I’m miserable all day long. And everything feels heavy, and overwhelming, and impossible. And I just want all those feelings to stop.
And then today I’m reminded… how incredibly hard it is for me… to do anything, without having my addiction to fall back on…
And so, today, I regret that I quit coffee and cigarettes when I did… because I genuinely feel now like I’m incapable of handling the ups and downs of life without tempering it all with my morning coffee ritual… and multiple daily smoke breaks.
But it’s been so long already, it would be foolish to go back now… so now everything just sucks, and that’s my new (albeit temporary) reality.